


RiddleCat Drabbles

by DittyWrites



Series: Riddles of the Sphinx [8]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Arkham - All Media Types
Genre: Companionable Snark, F/M, Hair Brushing, Humor, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Playful Threats, Sharing Clothes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-02 09:10:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12723708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DittyWrites/pseuds/DittyWrites
Summary: A collection of most of my drabbles featuring our favourite cat-burglar and her resident genius.





	1. Stolen Clothing

**Author's Note:**

> RiddleCat is a fucking great pairing lads!

An absurd bark of laughter burst from Selinas' lips as she caught sight of the figure which was spread comfortably across her sofa. Before she could think, she had already asked.

“Are you wearing my shirt?”

From his reclined position, Edward flinched in surprise as he heard her laughter from behind him. Sighing as he realised that he had been caught, he could only turn his eyes up at her and brace for the reaction, “I see you are home early. How was your shopping trip, dear?”

Wagging her finger playfully, she allowed him to follow her with his eyes as she slowly perched on the edge of the sofa, “Nuh-uh, Eddie. No evading the question. Are you wearing my shirt?”

A heavy pause, “No. I do not think I am.”

“So if I lift up the collar,” she tapped her fingers up the dark silk fabric as she travelled her hand up his chest, “I won't see the tag from that boutique in South Gotham? The one run by the Italian woman?”

As her hand reached his throat, Edward pushed his chin down to trap it and halt her progress, “I...cannot guarantee that.”

Selinas' laughter was like a soft bell and, despite his embarrassment, it made Edward smile to hear it. The rarity of her genuine laughter made it one of his favourite sounds.

“So you are wearing my shirt.” It wasn't a question.

“Yes I am,” he confessed, “I suffered a wardrobe malfunction and it was a choice between selecting a piece of your clothing or being left in my own birthday suit. Thankfully, my underwear had dried in the meantime so I could refrain from wearing a towel. Your apartment is very cold, Lina.” His voice held the slightest accusation. “Essentially, it was a choice between this shirt or a, admittedly rather nice patterned, shift dress.”

“Are you sure that is the real reason?” She teased lightly before widening her eyes, “So stand up and lets get a look at you.”

Shoving gently at his side, she moved to allow him to stand before re-taking her position and waiting expectantly.

Knowing that he was in no position to bargain and that the quicker he complied, the quicker his humiliation would be over with, Edward straightened his back to allow Selina a full look at his outfit.

Pressing the back of her hand to her mouth, Selina attempted to keep her laughter to herself. Her black silk shirt was rolled up at the sleeves but they sat mid-forearm on Edward as his arms were too thick to allow them any further up and every closed button was visibly strained. His long torso made the regular sized shirt sit just an inch above his exposed belly button and the pale skin shone against the dark fabric in the dim light.

To complete the ensemble, his green boxers sat against his slender hips and the juxtaposition of the tight shirt and loose boxers was too much for Selina and her laughter escaped her again. He looked damn ridiculous.

“Really Eddie? This was preferable to just going shirtless?” She coughed out over her giggles.

He narrowed his eyes slightly, “Yes. I have a tendency to lack heat so I heartily dislike the cold. You know that.”

Deciding to be kind, Selina stood and moved to stand in front of him. Her skilled hands went straight for her favourite shirt as she freed the buttons before they burst. If Edward had bothered to check above her cupboard then he would have found a pair of shirts in his own size which she had kept in her apartment in case of emergencies. But that knowledge would do him no good now so she kept her mouth shut.

“Y'know Eddie,” she muttered as she released the last button and spread the shirt, exposing more of his pale chest to her greedy sight, “I'm taking it on good faith that you haven't slipped on a pair of my panties under those boxers.” She finished with a purr, hoping that he would take the bait.

Cocking an eye at her suggestive tone, Edward tilted his head to meet her eyes, “There is one very easy way to find out, kitten.” He smiled, baring a small hint of his white teeth.

“I wouldn't mind you know,” Selina leaned up to murmur in his ear as her hands slid down his sides, “men in lingerie is hot and I like a man who can explore his feminine side.”

Bringing his hands up to settle on Selinas', which were resting on the waistband of his boxers, Edward matched her movements as he growled back in her ear, “I'd like to explore your feminine side.”

Sighing fondly at his corny line, Selina rolled her eyes as she grabbed his hand and started to pull him towards the bedroom.

 


	2. Height

The bag of frozen peas was pressed against his eye with a firm grip and Edward hissed as the ice covered his entire socket almost instantly, the intensity of it not a pleasant sensation.

“I mean, it's cute that you tried to protect me and all,” Selina muttered as she held the bag in place with a perfectly manicured hand, a tiny smile playing at the corner of her lips “but you're like a foot shorter than me, you know?”

“I am six feet tall,” protesting with a somewhat childish pout, Edward narrowed his good eye at her, “and even with your heels, you are still several inches shorter than I am!”

“Semantics.”

Pulling the bag away, Selina glided her fingers across the swelling which was beginning to force Edwards' eye shut.

“You should have let me handle it,” she continued, “and I am still surprised that the goon even managed to land a hit on you. Are you getting old, Eddie?”

Growing in displeasure, Edwards' crossed arms tightened in annoyance.

“It was apparent to me,” his tone was defensive, “that as your male companion it was my responsibility to defend your honour from any uncouth catcalls.”

“Aww,” Selina rolled her eyes with a practised fondness, “my hero! Would you like me to kiss it better? Will that heal your broken ego?”

“Don't patronise me, Lina.” Eyes narrowing again at her sarcastic tone, Edward chose to maintain a dignified position as he straightened his spine. “I was attempting to be chivalrous so I would appreciate a touch more appreciation for the effort.”

“Do you want me to kiss it better or not?” Tapping on his forehead, Selina clicked her tongue. “This is a one time only offer.”

A reluctant but definite tilt of his head towards her mouth was all the answer she needed.

Shaking her head affectionately, Selina smirked.

“You big baby...”

Leaning down, she brushed her lips gently across the swelling- the residual cold from the makeshift icepack causing her lips to tingle- in a soft kiss before pulling away.

“Better?”

Unable to hold back his own smile at her childishness, Edward gave her a small wink.

“Infinitely.”

 


	3. Shame

“Why are you in my apartment, on my couch and watching my television?”

“Because it is YOUR apartment,” Edward replied as though it were obvious before giving her a wide, charming smile, “There are few other places in Gotham which have the same level of appeal. Besides, you seem to love clawing into my home so I thought it only fair.”

Selina sighed and it showed how bone-tired she was as it carried across the room, “Ed, I've had a really long day. I just want to relax on my couch and 'kill some braincells with the idiot-box' can I at least get that?” She imitated his voice with a startling accuracy and she saw his lips twitch in amusement at her question.

“Speaking of said idiot-box,” his tone had taken on a hint of mischief, “care to explain this?” Clicking the remote, he quickly scrolled through the various recordings of the trashy soap opera which Selina had made an obvious effort to ensure she had a copy of every single episode of.

She loved culture and art as much as the next socialite thief but this was her one true guilty pleasure. A guilty pleasure she had no intention of sharing. And now that she was being confronted by it she felt a little bit of embarrassment and shame colour her face.

Obviously picking up on this, Edwards' smile faltered as he realised his error and he quickly recovered with a hasty, “So which of the cerebrally-challenged fools do you think is the biological father of the child Sandra is carrying? I personally hypothesise that it is Doctor Moore for a host of potential reasons which I am happy to share.”

“You watch 'Live Laugh Love?'” Selinas' eyebrow shot up and her tone betrayed her disbelief, “Since when did you become an expert in trash soap operas?”

“About,” he glanced at the clock, “two hours ago. The internet is a marvellous place and it took me one whole hour to catch up with each individuals history and current plotline. Just before you arrived I was about to start debunking the more idiotic theories which are being paraded around on the online forum.”

Feeling like she was missing something, Selina could only ask, “Why?”

Why would Edward bother learning about her guilty pleasure?

It made no sense.

“Because you enjoy it.”

His answer was simple but powerful and despite her best efforts to contain it, she let free a small smile as a feeling of warmth washed over her.

Gently taking the remote from his hand, she pressed play and took her usual seat against the arm of the couch. Despite his occasional awkwardness and incessant narcissism, Edward Nygma was disgustingly talented at making a lady feel wanted and it always threw her off-kilter.

Damn him.

“There is also a 37% chance that Laura-Anne will turn out to be the child which Sherry and Dan abandoned in their youth. All the signs are there if you are looking hard enough.” She heard him mutter quietly as he settled back into the comfortable fabric and faced the television again to join her in her viewings.

“If you are going to start analysing my show with that brain of yours then you can leave now Ed.” Selina warned in a playful tone and she jabbed at his hand with her toes before swinging her legs to the other side of her body so she could slide up and lay against him.

Without hesitating, he lifted his arm gently and allowed her free reign to move wherever she desired. Taking the opportunity, she shifted closer until she could comfortably place her head on his chest.

Using her hand, she pulled his arm down to wrap around her waist and he secured it to keep her in place. His white shirt was as soft as feathers and it tickled her cheek as his warmth and steady heartbeat made itself apparent.

And she was able to relax.

Finally.

 


	4. Waiter AU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is older than Methuselah and a bit shit but its cute so....

Selina sighed as she stared at the large menu which she had clenched firmly in her hands. As far as first dates went, this wasn't the worst but it certainly wasn't the best. The man across from her, Vince, had approached her earlier in the night while she was attending a gala and he seemed nice enough so she had accepted his dinner invite.

A massive mistake.

In her life as a career criminal she had come across many types of men but this one had to be up there as one of the most rude.

Immediately upon entering the restaurant, he had reduced their waitress to tears by plunging into an angry tirade when the young girl informed him that they did not have the type of wine which he preferred. If she wasn't trying to keep such a low profile she would have punched his lights out but she had instead resigned herself to using him for an expensive dinner and then maybe ridiculing him to her entire extended social circle to teach him a small lesson on the correct way to speak to women.

Her musings were interrupted by a cocky voice to her right.

“May I recommend the fish?” Glancing up from the menu, Selina got her first look at their new waiter. He looked to be about her age but the mischief filled grin on his face made him look considerably younger. His reddish-auburn hair was styled perfectly and his face had an angular quality to it which Selina found instantly appealing as he kept his attention on her. “My name is Edward and I am your replacement waiter.”

Across from her, Vince cleared his throat loudly. “Excuse me? What do I have to actually do to get a decent service around her?”

“Have you tried not being completely moronic and rude to the staff you encounter? I find that it advances things much more quickly.” The waiter, Edward he said his name was, offered smugly.

Spluttering in shock at Edward's blatant disrespect, Vince hissed. “How dare you speak to me like that you..you...YOU NOTHING!”

“Please keep your tone down. I feel that the other diners would much appreciate not being forced to hear your obnoxious, braying tones all evening.”

Sensing an opportunity to get rid of her date, Selina joined it. “I agree with Edward, Vince. Keep your damn voice down or I swear you'll regret it. What kind of man reduces a young girl to tears over nothing? Do you think women like that sort of thing? You're pathetic.” She offered calmly as she took another small sip from her own glass of wine.

“You know what?” Vince exclaimed hotly, his face reddening as he was insulted by the pair, “I don't need this. I can get a girl twice as nice as you with half the hassle.” Jumping from his seat he threw his menu onto the table with considerable force.

Edward eyed Selina up respectfully, in a way which didn't make her feel uncomfortable, and smirked. “I sincerely doubt that you could find a woman even half as beautiful.” As Vince approached him, Edward squared up his shoulders in preparation of a fight but instead of throwing a punch Vince simply pushed past him as he stormed out the restaurant in a rage.

Selina watched him go with narrowed eyes, she was definitely going to be avoiding all contact with him in her future. She genuinely hated his type. Bringing her attention back to Edward, she make a split second decision. “Since it seems I am without a date, would you care to join me?” She asked, batting her eyelashes.

“What kind of gentleman would I be if I allowed a lady to dine alone.” He replied smoothly as he sat in the available seat and placed a small napkin over his lap.

Selina poured him a small glass of wine from her own bottle before asking the question which was most pressing on her mind. “Why were you so openly rude to him, if you don't mind me asking? Will that not affect your job?”

“I am not overly fond of this work and I honestly could not care less about the outcome. I have other work in the pipeline which means that I would not miss this,” he gestured around him” in the slightest. The younger girl he was rude to, Nina, is a very good friend of mine.” Edward clinked his glass with hers as he took a generous swig. “I will not allow a fool like that to insult someone who is infinitely more capable than himself, no matter how much money or influence he has.”

“An admirable quality.” Selina nodded as she reopened her menu.

“But enough about that nasty business,” Edward grinned before continuing, “I really do recommend the fish.” He winked roguishly at Selina and she smiled despite herself.

Maybe this date night wouldn't turn out to be such a disaster after all.

 


	5. Tricked

The wailing of the sirens overhead was almost unbearable as Edward pushed open the door to his safe room. Hastily drawing the pistol which he had snatched from the false wall space he used to store weapons, he prepared for a fight.

Bringing the gun on level with his chest, he stepped inside the room and the cocking of the pin was barely audible over the sirens as he cleared his throat.

“Who would be so bold as to steal fr-”

Cutting himself off, he almost dropped the gun as the figure hunched over his safe straightened fully, their look of surprise a mirror image of his own.

“Selina?” He lowered the weapon, frowning. “Any reason why you are stealing from me when I was led to believe you were out securing us dinner for this evening? Dear?”

“Edward?” Selina replied, voice carrying loudly. Her face twisted with confusion for a moment before understanding cleared it as she growled.

“Crane!”

x-x-x-x-x

_Two Days Previously_

“So why exactly should I help you with this?”

Tapping her diamond-tips on his wooden workbench, Selina was not known for offering help and especially not to Jonathan Crane.

“I did not ask for ‘help’,” he refuted, “what I asked for was your assistance. You will be paid for this work.”

“Uh huh.” Her tapping continued, voice unimpressed. “And what exactly is the pay for this? And what exactly am I stealing?”

“My typical payment of a ‘favour’ stands and, no offense intended, but what I want is none of your business. I just require that it be returned to me from the rat thief who stole it from me.”

“Targets name?”

“Not relevant to the task,” evading her question, Jonathan continued, “but I can provide the exact location of the safe which it can be found.”

Rolling her eyes, Selina huffed at the lack of information but quickly decided that she would have a look while she was stealing it.

“Whatever. Give me the details.”

x-x-x-x-x

“Crane?” It was Edwards’ turn for confusion.

Leaning back against the safe, Selina glanced pointedly at the sirens which were continuing to screech out their betrayal of her plans. Taking the hint, Edward was quick to flick the appropriate switch on his cane to silence them.

“Thank you,” she muttered, “and it was Crane who hired me to steal whatever the hell you have hidden inside this safe.”

Glaring at Edward as though he were somehow an accomplice in this nonsense, Selina felt her scowl deepen as, instead of an explanation, Edward simply laughed.

It was a deep-bellied laugh and his genuine amusement shone through as he used his cane for support.

“What’s so funny,  _Ed_?” Selina bit out, placing emphasis on his name.

“Would you like to see what our darling friend Jonathan has gotten so worked up over my possessing?”

As Selina nodded her interest, Edward strutted towards the safe and punched in the combination as he allowed her to look on. His confidence in her and what they shared had prevented him from keeping secrets from her and if she wanted the knowledge then he would not hide it.

As the safe swung open, he pulled out the single item which lay within it.

“A book?”

“Not just any book,” Edward answered gleefully, his fingers pointing at its cover.

Raising an eyebrow, Selina was unimpressed.

“A yearbook?”

“Open it at page 14 and let me know when that beautiful brain uncovers the mystery held within.”

Biting her lips at his dramatics, Selina plucked the book from his hand and flicked to the appropriate page. A sea of young faces swam out at her, some happy and some decidedly not, and she let her eyes flit over each one as she sought out the importance of the class photograph.

A soft gasp.

“Is that-”

“Yes.”

“And he’s-”

“Yes.”

“Oh my…”

Glaring up at her from the page was the unmistakable visage of a teenage Jonathan Crane.

His face was gaunt, almost skeletal, and even through the page she could sense the ‘otherness’ which kept him separated from his classmates. Even at that age he was taller than most and his thin frame only emphasised the height in an unfortunate way.

“It’s a mini Scarecrow!” Grinning, she brought the book closer to her nose. “Eddie, where did you even find this?”

“It was lying out on his table and it, mysteriously, found its way into my possession.” Holding his hands out to show his innocence, Edward matched her grin. “It is a genuine mystery.”

“Crane will kill you if you do not return it,” placing the book on top of the safe, Selina shook her head, “so I will be giving him in back tonight. Plus, it buys me a favour with the 'Master of Fear’ which is always handy.”

Pouting as his fun was to be cut short, Edward shifted his eyes petulantly but acquiesced to her reasoning.

“That doesn’t mean that we can’t take photos for our own fun.”

Whipping her phone out of thin air, she positioned the camera over Cranes’ scowling face and the series of faint clicks which followed were difficult to hear over the low chuckle as Edward laughed at her enthusiasm.


	6. Hair Stroking

“Well, well, well,” running his fingers along the door frame of his bathroom, Edward cocked a brow, “look what the cat dragged in.”

“Really?” Darting her eyes across the mirror, Selina met his gaze with her own as she gave him an exasperated look. “How long have you been sitting on that comment?”

“Long enough to have practically incubated it.” He confessed, slinking inside the bathroom, a cheerful smile lighting up his face as he watched Selina fix herself in his mirror.

He hadn’t been expecting her today but what a pleasant surprise it was.

“What happened to your hair?” A frown marred his features as he took in the singed tips of the longest strands of her preferred pixie-cut style. Inhaling slightly, he could also detect the acrid smell of burnt hair as he approached her from behind.

“Got caught in the cross-fire of some gang punks,” she admitted, mouth twisting down as she ran a hand through her faintly-damaged hair, “and one of ‘em caught me with the tail-end of his flamethrower.”

“Flamethrower?”

“I wasn’t hurt,” she soothed, sensing the hidden concern, “but I am pissed about my hair.”

Nodding with understanding, Edward slipped his hand under her arm and picked up the small hairbrush she had been using prior to his entrance. Bringing it up towards her, he asked her unspoken permission until she inclined her head towards him.

Running the bristles between his fingers for a moment to gauge their density, he proceeded to run the brush through her hair with confident strokes but gently enough to ensure that he did not tug or break any of the follicles. Moving in front, he pushed himself up atop the cabinet so that he could perch before her and continue his work.

Freshly brushed, Selinas’ hair sat flat against her scalp and the lack of texture seemed odd given her usual perfectly-styled design. Snatching up the pot of expensive hair putty which he often watched her use, he worked a small dollop of it between his fingers to warm it up before applying it to her hair and attempting to re-create her style.

Working his fingers through the stands, he was fascinated by the softness against his digits and he allowed his fingers to tug on the hair enough to stimulate the scalp without causing pain. He loved her hair. Always had and always would.

Even if it was a little charred

Selina, for her part, was equally touched and amused by the gesture. She put a lot of effort into her look as appearances in Gotham City were almost as important as actions in certain circumstances and she knew that Edward understood her upset with her hair disaster. However, the intense look of concentration on his face had caused his tongue to appear between his teeth as he focussed on the task at hand.

And it was ridiculously endearing.

“Finished.”

Pulling away, Edward admired his work.

“Not a bad job, if I do say so myself.” He continued. “What do you think?”

Looking past him into the mirror, Selina was a little impressed. He had managed to copy her style to an impressive standard with only minor details being a little off. Her parting was a half-inch too far to the right and he had pulled her fringe forward just a touch too far for her liking.

However, the earnest look of pride on his face made it impossible to criticise and she gave him a wide smile.

“Perfect, Eddie.”

 


	7. If They Mess With You, They Mess With Me

“If they mess with you, they’re messing with me!” Jumping from his seated position, Edward’s open shirt swayed with the sudden movement as he started to roll his sleeves up. “I’ll defend your honour, Lina, as a good man should.”

Watching as his thin arms, mildly toned at best, were exposed to her, Selina’s focus shifted to the expanse of pale, smooth chest which could be spotted between the shifting folds of shirt. Eddie was no fighter and they both knew that, but she was still touched by the gesture despite how silly it seemed.

“Eddie,” hiding her warmth with a vaguely amused tone, Selina used the blunt edges of her diamond-tipped claws to draw his chin down to face her, “how exactly do you plan on taking on Bane?”

“Bane?!” Edward’s eyebrows hit his hairline. “I thought you said ‘Dwayne’, that overweight gangster cretin who lives south of the Bowrey?“

“Bane.” She confirmed.

“Well in that case,” Edward moved his hands from his shirt to her head as he placed a soft kiss on her forehead, “good luck, dearest one, and let me know how you get on with that.”

Tapping the end of her nose with a fingertip, Edward retreated a few feet and sunk back down on his preferred seat.

“Seriously?” Selina rolled her eyes.

“Yes. Have you seen that man? He is a walking campaign against steroid abuse and I am brilliant enough to know my limits. Brain will always win over brawn but brawn can still snap my neck like a twig.”

“You’re a dick.”

“Better a living dick than a dead fool.” He grinned, sweet as honey. “So go have your fun, kitten.“

 


End file.
